Friday, November 30, 2012

Why the Internet Was Invented, Vol. 11

Another somewhat tame month on the worldwide weird.  I think someone needs to go check on Japan to see if they're OK.


  1. I know what you think you though you heard, but that wasn't it.
  2. This kid has a onesie of fury.
  3. Baruch hata I'm annoyed!
  4. I've always wanted to give one of these, but I never knew how.
  5. Red Bull gives us the Rube Goldberg athlete machine.
  6. What happens when you combine peanuts, nougat, caramel, milk chocolate and the internet?  I think you know.
  7. Neil Degrasse Tyson explains the purpose of the universe...or lack thereof.


  1. If you can mail order brides, why not this?
  2. The biblical defense of slavery.
  3. I used to love getting this magazine when I was a kid.  Now everyone can enjoy it.
  4.  As a parent, I can totally relate.
  5. I'm surprise this just doesn't take you right back where you started.
  6. First of all, how is this a viable business?  Second of all, I'm changing my will immediately.
  7. Fell like flying through the galaxy?  Now you can.
  8. Turns out, I'm a shitty typist.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Why the Internet Was Invented, Vol. 10

Well, folks here is my latest list.  Strangely, this month isn't too terribly weird.  Japan must be on holiday.


  1. This guy thinks his sister is hot.  He now works for Disney.
  2. Mr. Rogers telling congress that Big Bird matters.  Suck it, Romney.
  3. This is a great animated short by Bellecour.
  4. I know women like uncomfortable shoes, but this is getting ridiculous.
  5. Ever wonder how The Simpsons would look in real life?  Wonder no more.
  6. How many tubes do you think this guy went through?
  7. I love these Crash Course videos.  Watch them all.
  8. Take a look at the real bears from the soda commercials.
  9. Cyanide & Happiness give us a lesson in wilderness survival...I think.
  10. Bodyform responds to a little consumer criticism.
  11. The shadow of the undertaker creeps across your floor.  Disturbingly awesome.
  12. I dare you to watch this whole video, but I wouldn't recommend it.
  13. Oh, Internet.  I love you.
  14. You think that you had a bad time losing your virginity?  Take a listen to this guy.
  15. If you ever think that you're a bad ass, tell it to the guy that jumped out of a spaceship.


  1. This is an awesome interactive, 3D walk-through documentary about the history of Paris.  Check it out.
  2. Some nerd had way too much time on their freaky little hobbit hands.  No, it wasn't me.
  3. Want to free up your schedule and travel the world?  Ain't nobody got time for that.  Check out the World Wonders Project from Google instead.
  4. Another interactive documentary.  This one is about Cuba and the cold war.  Effing brilliant.
  5. This is what a picture of 84 million stars looks like.See if you can count them all.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Top 20 Zombie Movies of All Time

Greetings, boils and ghouls!  'Tis the season for me to regale you with another list of horror movie classics.  Last year we covered the Top 20 Horror movies of All Time.  This year I'm feeling a bit more specialized, so let's dive feet-first into the rotting sub-genre of zombie movies.  Zombies have undergone a huge resurgence in the last five years in theaters, on television and in recreational drugs.  There is even a zombie-themed nationwide sporting event making this list will be somewhat apropos.  As such, more of the movies that have made my list were made in this century than last century, which is very different than the first horror movie list.  

So, without further ado, I give you Daniel P. Daniel's Top 20 Zombie Movies of All Time.  Enjoy.

20. Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006):  OK.  Admittedly this musical-comedy horror exploitation film from Troma Entertainment doesn’t make too many lists, but if you can somehow muster the fortitude to sit through the whole movie I’m sure it will make one of yours.
19. Night of the Creeps (1986):  Zombies, exploding heads, creepy crawlies, and Tom Atkins…kinda sounds like a few of our keggers in college.  This movie is classic teen scream fun.
Jason is not a zombie, people.  Get over it.
18. Night of the Comet (1984):  This movie is mostly about a Valley girl that shops her way through the apocalypse, but I had such a crush on Catherine Mary Stewart when I was in middle school this one had to be on the list.
17. Aaah! Zombies!!  (2007):  Told from the point of view of the zombies themselves, this horror-comedy is a refreshing addition to the zombie genre.  Although this is a relatively low-budget affair, somehow Matthew Kohnen manages to avoid the B-movie feel despite mixing soft serve ice cream with beer.
16. Day of the Dead (1985):  George A. Romero’s third in his zombie series.  This one plays more like an extended Twilight Zone episode than Night and Dawn.
15. Dead Alive (1992):  The next addition to the list was directed by Peter Jackson before he went on to secure his mainstream fortune by directing homo-erotic hobbit movies.  It is almost universally recognized as the goriest film ever made.  Where else will you find mass slaughter via lawnmower or priests that kick ass for the lord?  I mean, other than Colorado Springs.
14. Zombie Strippers (2008):  Robert Englund.  Jenna Jameson.  Zombies.  Strippers.  What else is there to say?  Seriously.
13. Fido (2006):  This is a hilarious take on the genre.  What could possibly go wrong when we decide to keep zombies around to perform menial tasks?  My favorite line in the movie comes from hottie Carrie Ann Moss: "Fido, is Timmy in trouble?"
12. The Crazies (2010):  This is a remake of the 1973 Romero film with a few modern twists.  It’s a mad, mad world.
11. Land of the Dead (2005):  George Romero triumphantly returns to the genre that he created by remaking one of his own films.  Dennis Hopper plays the part of the bad guy brilliantly, but the zombies are learning.
Didn't make the list.
10. Night of the Living Dead (1990)/(1968):  The 1990 remake follows the 1968 version almost shot-for-shot.  The only thing that the remake has going for it are more modern special effects and color film.  If I was forced to choose between the two I would go with the original.
9.  Dead Snow (2009):  This movie had me saying something that I don’t believe anyone has ever said in the history of human existence - "There sure aren’t enough Norwegian zombie comedies out there."  What do you get when you add a group of medical students to frozen Nazi zombies?  I think you know.
8.  Planet Terror (2007):  I immediately fell in love with this nonstop action-horror masterpiece.  Originally released as part of Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's ambitious Grindhouse double bill, Planet is a throwback to the early days of drive-in horror complete with intentionally gritty cinematography and completely implausible story lines.  Brilliant.
7.  Zombieland (2009):  This is one of those films that broke onto the scene in the midst of the zombie revival and kicked it into high gear.  I could argue Columbus’ 33 rules to live by have more basis in reality than most religions…but I won’t.
6.  The Return of the Living Dead (1985):  Dan O’Bannon’s work shook up the zombie horror genre by introducing us to fast-moving zombies and giving us the now-ubiquitous zombie call-to-arms, "Braaaains!"  Plus, any movie with James Karen in it is automatically creepy by default.
5.  Re-Animator (1985):  First in the Re-Animator series of sci-fi horror comedies and based on H.P. Lovecraft’s book, “Herbert West – Reanimator,” this is the movie that truly cemented my addiction to low-budget horror.  I must have watched this 47 times while in high school.  That probably explains a lot now that I think about it.
4.  28 Days Later (2003):  Super-fast, rage-infected, blood-puking zombies, need I say more?  Danny Boyle’s dystopic view of the future is both frightening and involving.  This nod to Dawn of the Dead quickly devolves into a gore-fest, but, remember, it’s the animal rights activists’ fault.
3.  Shaun of the Dead (2004)When the dead walk a hero rises…from his sofa.  This is the first of the Three Flavors of Cornetto series from director Edgar Wright in which he manages to somehow combine a British romantic comedy with homages to the more traditional powerhouses in the genre like George Romero and Sam Raimi.
2.  Evil Dead II (1987):  Sam Raimi and the ultimate horror movie hero, Bruce Campbell, enter the list with this brilliant horror-comedy sequel.  The joy which the cast and crew take in creating a masterpiece of slapstick gore is obvious.  Evil Dead 2 is a must-see for all connoisseurs of truly demented films.
1.  Dawn of the Dead (2004):  I chose Zack Snyder’s take on George Romero's 1978 horror classic for one reason: Richard Cheese singing “Get Down with the Sickness.”  Zombies, shopping malls, gore (the zombie birth scene is particularly hard to take) and celebrity assassinations – what more could you ask for?
Honorable mentions: Plan 9 From Outer Space, Waxwork, Pet Cemetery, Resident Evil, Serpent and the Rainbow, and I Am Legend.

What do you think?  Did any of your favorites make the list?

Good grief!


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Why the Internet Was Invented, Vol. 9

Hello, DanielPDansters.  Here's the latest installment.  I know it's not too impressive, but hopefully the interwebs will get weird again next month.

  1.  Another installment for the literary buffs in the audience.
  2. I SOOO want to see this masterpiece.
  3. This Glove and Boots video blog is effing brilliant.  Watch every one.  Thank me later.
  4. So...this exists.
  5. Not surprisingly, Samuel L. Jackson is not a republican.
  6. I have such a crush on Sarah Silverman.
  7. The Science Guys tells creationists to stuff it.

  1.  Remember how impressed we were with Mars?  Try Venus.
  2. When will you forget?  I can't remember what I ate for breakfast.
  3. Now this is a dedicated artist.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Why the Internet Was Invented, Vol. 8

Take a look at what the web had to offer last month.  Enjoy!

  1. What are the hidden costs of hamburgers?  Fuck cows, that's what.
  2. If this doesn't make you cry you are a heartless bastard (with no appreciation of the power of engineering design).
  3. This is the surface of another planet in HD.  Let me repeat that.  This is the surface of ANOTHER EFFING PLANET IN HD!
  4. What would Yiayia think?
  5. Here is a look at the Top 20 Most Influential TED talks.  I love TED.
  6. The Newsroom knocks it out of the park, again.
  7. Now, this is how you send off fallen warriors.
  8. Thanks for keeping it weird, Japan.  What the actual fuck?
  9. Alicia reads "Leaves of Grass" by Walt Whitman.  Wait, what is going on here?
  10. I never knew Spencer Tracy was so awesome.  He's my new hero.
  11. Here's a PSA for Republican women.  Seems legit.

  1. We are getting faster and stronger with every passing generation.  This is a great illustration of how far we have come.
  2. Finally, someone who folds fitted sheets the same way I do.
  3. Here you go, Lotto Dorks.  Stop wasting your money.
  4. Ever think you've had too much coffee?  Drink so much Red Bull that you can see into next week?  How much is too much?
  5. Hey, what are you pointing at?
  6. Here's a sweet site that let's you dig deep into our very weird past.
  7. I sincerely hope this catches on.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Why the Internet Was Invented, Vol 7

Here is this month's dive into the dusty corners of the internet.

  1. I wish I would have written this.  Absolutely brilliant.
  2. An Olympic montage from Muse.
  3. Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in...
  4. Just an Asian guy in lederhosen yodeling to chickens.  No big deal.
  5. If you thought the shake weight or the hula chair were bad I give you the newest Korean fitness craze.
  6. I'm with Neil.  Watch out, we've got a badass over here.
  7. How English sounds to non-English speakers.  Coincidentally, also how nagging women sound most of the time.
  1. How the world should actually look.  Yes, I know it's weird.
  2. Masterful graphite work of Paul Cadden.  No, these are not photographs.
  3. Destroy the web whenever you like.
  4. Frame-by-frame drawings of a Johnny Cash video.  Completely awesome.
  5. Trolling craigslist at its finest.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Getting There

About a hundred years ago a friend of mine asked me to do a simple calculation.  What calculation, you ask?  The mass of eye boogers created over a normal human lifespan? The amount of acceleration required to launch the neighbors’ effing barking dog into the stratosphere? The amount of time he spends flipping through Popstar! magazines to fuel his disturbing crush on Justin Bieber?  Nope...thankfully {shudder}.  In this edition of The Missing Piece I am going to take a basic low-level engineering approach to determine what the probability is that an individual is actually going to heaven.  On the surface this seems like a pretty daunting task considering the charged atmosphere surrounding religion and the necessarily nebulous rules that each one employs to control its flock, but like most calculations I think we can do get pretty close with a few assumptions.  Here are the relevant assumptions as I see them:
  1. You either believe in God or you don’t.
  2. Belief in God implies, in this case, that you subscribe to a certain religion.
  3. The religion of your choice offers something more for your afterlife party.
  4. Simply by subscribing to your religion Capital-G automagically opens up the pearly gates regardless of your behavior while living.

Before we begin, here is a short list of what I’m not going to do:

  1. Dig through the dirty laundry of every religion to figure out which ones even believe in heaven.
  2. Interview clergy from each religion (if there are even clergy) to determine how one acquires the exact directions to heaven.
  3. Discuss the merits (if any) in belief in God or heaven or religion.  I’ll save that for a later date.
  4. Go to heaven.

With the above assumptions in mind, this should result in calculating the maximum probability of the devout meeting their maker

First, it seems obvious that an individual has two choices: believe in a supreme being (believer) or don’t (atheist).  Therefore, one’s odds of believing in God is 1 out of 2 or 0.5.

Now, of the people that believe in God some subset of them think that their deity (or deities) is THE ONE that holds their ticket to a cushy afterlife.  To these believers everyone else is a non-believing interloper that will boil in a vat of camel oil for eternity.  Based on that “logic” it is fair to assume that each religion is mutually exclusive.  So, theoretically, one of them must be the one true religion, all others are shite.  Currently there are approximately 4,200 religious groups that exist on Earth, each believing they are the shining light and the beacon of hope for all humanity.  As of this writing, the current population of the planet is 6,973,738,433.  Based on those numbers (assuming an even distribution) there is roughly one religion for every 1,660,414 people on the planet.  I think it is fair to assume that religion has been around as long as humans have.  Certainly archaeological digs seem to support this.  Over the course of human history there have been approximately 108 billion people that have walked the Earth.  Surely those people had souls, too; they must have gone somewhere, right?  If we assume the same ratio of religions to people over the course of human history there have been 65,044 religions since we were created. Some of these religions are monotheistic; some are polytheistic.  The top two religions today (based on the number of followers only) are monotheistic; however, number three on the list has no less than 306 deities, while some other religions have been documented to have over 1000 deities.  For the sake of calculation I will use the low estimate of 100 gods per religion.  This means there have been somewhere on the order of 6.5 million gods floating around the ether since Spider Grandmother used a hollow reed to create the sky.  For the benefit of doubt, let’s say there is about 50% overlap of gods throughout history, so there really have only been 3.25 million gods.  The believers’ temporal placement in history and physical placement geographically generally dictate which of these gods they choose, but for now I will leave this out and consider being a denizen of the Earth to be enough.

OK.  That’s most of the groundwork done.  One of these religions and therefore one of these gods holds the keys to the pearly gates.  What are the odds that the believer has selected the right one?  Assuming that there is some sort of natural selection or evolution of gods and that one of the current deities that survives today is THE ONE, the odds that someone has selected the right god today is approximately 1 out of 420,000 or 0.000002, if they are already a believer.  Multiplying that by 100 to account for the number of gods in the chosen religion, odds improve to 0.0002 or 0.02%.  Multiplying that by the chance of being a believer (0.5) the end result is 0.01%.  That doesn’t look too good.  If there is no natural selection among gods then all of the gods over all of human history are still in play, even though we may not know who they are.  Who knows, maybe He took all of his followers with Him off to paradise already?  Extending that calculation over the whole of human history, the odds that the believer has selected the right god is 0.0015%.  Jesus.  Hell must be huge!

To be fair, true believers generally believe that God created the entire universe so let’s include the rest of Her creation, shall we?  Current estimates for the number of exoplanets that lie within the habitable zone of stars similar to our sun is somewhere on the order of 10 billion in the Milky Way alone.  The Milky Way is just one of approximately 200 billion galaxies (low estimate) in the universe.  If even 0.1% of these exoplanets within the habitable zone have some form of life and only 0.1% of those supports “intelligent” life then there will be ~10,000 planets that harbor intelligent life in the Milky Way.  This translates to 2,000,000,000,000,000 (2 million billion) planets in the universe with intelligent life.  One would assume that some percentage of those would develop religions - let’s say 50%.  Let’s further assume that there are only 10 competing religions with 10 gods on each of those exoplanets.  That’s 1E17 more gods.  Our measly number of gods (3.25 million) doesn’t even factor into the noise.  Taking the chances of believing in God (0.5), multiplied by the chance of selecting the “real” God (1E-17), multiplied by the chances of that God being Earth-based (5E-16), Multiplied by the number of gods per religion (on Earth, 100) leaves the universal believer in the unenviable position of being right 1 out of 4,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times.  Odin’s beard!  That’s really not good.

Analyzing this a bit further, even if one assumes that we are alone in the universe and one assumes the believer’s god is still around (I don’t think these are fair assumptions, by the way), true believers have about a 0.01% of selecting the correct deity and therefore going to heaven.  Interestingly, that means only 700,000 out of the nearly 7 billion people on our fair planet may have a shot at reaching heaven.  The rest of the teeming masses can go suck a lemon.  Still, the individual that chooses not to believe has a 50% chance of being correct compared to 0.01% for the non-universal believer.

Choose wisely.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Why the Internet Was Invented, Vol 6

Here is this month's version of everything (well, not exactly everything) weird and wonderful.


  1. Somehow my vision of an eternal Saturday isn't quite as bizarre as this.
  2. People do strange things with their pets...strange and awesome things.
  3. This is an old video, but it creeps me right the eff out.
  4. Many children were harmed in the making of this video.
  5. The symphony of science remixes Mr. Rogers.  Oddly addicting.
  6. Another symphony of science video explaining evolution.  The greatest show on earth.
  7. Yeah, well...just watch it.  You can kill me later.
  8. Yes, this is a real movie, and, yes, it is absolutely brilliant.
  9. I don't know how I didn't think of this.
  10. OH HELL YES!  Feast your eyes on the Japanese Spider Man.
  11. Han shot first, you bastard Lucas.


  1. This is a brilliant book, and it is well read.  Take a listen: How Religion Poisons Everything.
  2. Ever wonder why it's taking so long to get you Billy the Bass special order from China?  Wonder no more.
  3. Think you're a badass?  Well, here are the kings of badassery.  How do you stand up now?  That's what I thought.
  4. You have to read the product reviews for this one.  Nevermind how I found the link.
  5. Ken's coming-out page.
  6. Feel like making a Lego structure in Australia?  Of course you do.  You'll have to use Chrome to play.
  7. The last words of every person put to death in the state of Texas.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Why the Internet Was Invented, Vol 5

I think the internet was broken this month.  It just wasn't bizarre enough for my tastes.

  1. Get spaghettified by the University of Colorado.
  2. How to survive the pending robot uprising, sans Sarah Connor.
  3. Here's a little something to honor the passing of Maurice Sendak earlier this month.
  4. This guy thinks a lot like I do.  I'm certain he pisses the hippies off.
  5. Check out this sweet Ultrabook...oh, and the commercial is cool, too.
  6. OK.  This one is a little weird.
  7. P&G's tribute to all of the mother's out there that make it possible.
  8. Pizza Hut's newest offering.   Ass-thunder!!!


  1. If you dig a hole in the middle of your backyard where will you end up?  In the middle of an ocean, most likely.
  2. Hey, G-plussers.  Tired of the whitespace problem?  Try this.
  3. Now you, too, can be Wondergirl...with a goatee.
  4. These guys have way too much time on your hands, but they are fully awesome. 
  5. Yet another reason to believe that Colorado is the best state in the Union...our breweries.
  6. Next time someone says they will write your name in the stars tell them, "Bitch, please.  I write that shit in galaxies!"

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Why the Internat Was Invented, Vol 4

Here are some of the most...well, the, the, here are some links from April.  Send me hate mail if you need to.

  1. Be careful with this one.  It is strangely addicting.
  2. This explains my neighbor's behavior.
  3. The Product Testing Institute.  Do yourself a favor and watch them all.
  4. Yeah, this is weird.  What do you expect?
  1. This is how I imagine guardian angels.
  2. My dog isn't nearly this cool.  He just sleeps and drools all day.
  3. Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  Thank you Google Maps for finally making something useful.
  4. If you need to waste a day or two, this will do it.
  5. I wish I could give this to everyone before they are allowed to talk to me.
  6. This is brilliant.  I have it on constantly at my desk.
  7. This simple matrix will keep you busy for at least two minutes.
  8. If you've ever wondered who is responsible for ruining everything, here you go.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Why the Internet Was Invented, Vol 3

Feast your eyes on the best the websphere had to offer in March.  


  1. Are you thick as a brick?  I think maybe you are.
  2. What if the Three Little Pigs was set in modern times?
  3. Going West.  Absolutely brilliant animation and reading.
  4. You're going to hate me for this.
  5. Dollar Shave Club's brilliant ad.  Yes, it is real.
  6. M 'effin bike, Bitches!
  7. Just Darth Vader...wearing a kilt...playing the Imperial March...on bagpipes...while riding a unicycle.
  8. The Gentleman's Rant.  Don't blame me if you waste all day watching these.
  9. Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawking and Arthur C. Clarke tackle small problems like: God, the universe and everything.
  10. Screw the bike.  Get ready for the M 'effin pterodactyl!

  1.  360 degree areal panoramic views all around the world.
  2. Some of the excellent artwork of Sergey Kolesov.
  3. Ever wanted to connect Lincoln Logs to Legos?  Now you can.
  4. Maybe Disney's ripped-off stories wouldn't be so annoying if they were animated like this.
  5. You'll need to use Chrome to follow this link, but it's worth it.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Why the Internet Was Invented, Vol. 2

Here's the second installment of the best the internet has to offer.  Well, almost.  You can't post belly-punching fetish links on Blogspot.  As always, let me know what you think.

Life-Altering Videos:
  1. A preview of what the end of the world is going to look like:  The Swarm
  2. What the universe looks like.  No, seriously.
  3. Parkour is not for pussies.
  4. OK Go can't just play a song normally, can they?
  5. A modern Samurai.  Yes, I said "Samurai".
  6. This may be a little blasphemous.
  7. How Superman  ruined the world...and died.
  8. Even though this is a commercial it is still pretty cool.
  9. Try not to cry on your keyboard, will ya?
  10. Hey, kids!  It's story time!
  11. Vegans are studs.
  12. The best community college commercial ever.
  13. An exploding whale.  Enough said.

  1. Suck on it, Gee Dub fanboys.
  2. A visual perspective of the scale of the universe.
  3. Why does a salad cost more than a Big Mac?
  4. Welcome back.  The internet missed you.  Your horse is truly amazing.
  5. Take the time to watch the series.  This is both brilliant and important.
  6. Erik Johansson and his impossible photographs.
  7. A fully interactive documentary told from the perspective of...a bear.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Why the Internet Was Invented, Volume 1

Greeting followers of The Great and Powerful Daniel P. Daniel!  I'd like to start a new monthly addition to The Missing Piece.  What do you say?  That's what I thought, too, but then I realized that I don't have the resources to clone Gillian Anderson.  So, as a secondary, less-awesome suggestion, at the beginning of each month I am going to share with you the links that I found worthy of the internet in the previous month.  They are certainly not all of the links that I perused, and it will definitely not be a comprehensive list of all of the trending memes (read: no shitty cat pictures).  It will hopefully be a short list of the links that made me laugh, cry or think.  Some of them will be interesting.  Some (well, most...who are we kidding) will be strange.  And some of them may get you fired or registered on the FBI's potential offender database.  So browse with care.  You may be a lot weirder in the end than when you started.  Hopefully you find them interesting as well, and I don't get detained indefinitely by Big Brother for SOPA/PIPA violations...  Enjoy, and be sure to let me know if there are any that I missed.

Life-Altering Videos:
  1.  It's Time.
  2. Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie
  3. Einstein vs. Hawking - Epic Rap Battles of History
  4. The American Dream
  5. Hello
  6. Stephen Fry from the Intelligence Squared Debate
  7. Blockhead's Revenge
  8. The Bark Side
  9. Star Wars Uncut
  10. Return of the (Farting) Jedi
  11. The Three little Pigs
  12. Motorcycle vs. Car Drift Battle
  13. Flying People in New York
  14. Why James Bond is an Arse

  1. Recut Movie Trailers
  2. The Artwork of Riusuke Fukahori
  3. When Same-Sex Marriage Was a Christian Rite
  4. Does Music and Movie Piracy Hurt?
  5. How It Should Have Ended
  6. Asian Cinema's 20 Greatest Fight Scenes