Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Life by 100 Cuts

I got this idea from, TJ, a friend of mine (his blog is linked below), and I thought that it would be a good introduction to the blog and serve as a good exercise to stretch my writing muscles. The deal is to list 100 things that you like, in no particular order, including 10 songs that you’re really digging right now. So here goes nothin':
  1. My son. Alias “Thor” and “The Whacker”. I don’t believe in reincarnation, but, if I did, I’d be certain that he’s been around for a very long time. I look forward to every day with him. I could go on for hours, so let’s just say that I want to be like him when I grow up.
  2. The World-Wide Weird. I love being to get information about the formation of the universe and how to purchase a sex slave without leaving by desk. Brilliant.
  3. The early Looney Toons cartoons. You know, the ones where Daffy was totally insane, and half of the plot didn’t make any sense. There’s something to be said about filling up a kid’s show with WWII references and background music that had to be composed (do a web search for Carl Stalling).
  4. The Rat Pack. Not only were they cooler than any other group of guys in modern history, but they were funnier and could sing better, too. There will never be another Rat Pack.
  5. The Beatles. I love everything about the Beatles. One of the best bands ever. I’ve deliberately left them out of the 10 songs requirement of this list, because I could literally pick all 10 from their catalog.
  6. “Eminence Front” by The Who.
  7. A good conversation. I mean a really good conversation in which the people involved actually have thought out their positions on the topic, not just recite the dogma that they have been presented with. Preferably sober, so I can remember it, but the other way is fine, too.
  8. My wife. She saved my life, constantly keeps me on my toes, and keeps me moving forward in life. She makes me want to be a better man. Enough said.
  9. Slugging back a pint with friends. There’s nothing quite like ordering a fresh round of beers and starting a fresh round of lies…
  10. Pushing people’s buttons. Especially when they are on the brink of loosing their shit already. I don’t know why it cracks me up so much to watch people loose their cool over nothing, but thank god it does.
  11. God. Capital “G” God. If he weren’t around to kill each other over, the world would be horribly overpopulated and culturally advanced, and nobody wants that. Plus, I would have to search a little harder to find some peoples’ buttons. See above.
  12. Putzing. Holy crap, do I love putzing, and I am a pro. Some days it could take me two hours to change the battery in a flashlight. Of course, I would have to clean the garage to get to the batteries then I’d find the lawnmower blade that needs sharpening then I’d have to mow the lawn to test it…you get where I’m going with this?
  13. “Good Vibrations” by The Beach Boys
  14. Rugby. It’s the best, most team-oriented, exciting, and physically grueling sport ever created, and, when played properly, it’s beautiful to watch. Elegant violence. Top marks.
  15. CAD. Yeah, I know it’s nerdy, but I love the idea that I can design literally anything in seconds.
  16. Music. I love listening to tunes wherever I am whatever I am doing. Any kind of music will do…except rap…and hip-hop…oh, and trance…and that Top 40 bullshit that passes for music nowadays…and forget about soft rock, too.
  17. Living in Colorado. Where else in the world can you ride your motorcycle to a ski resort? Great recreation opportunities, great weather, great people, great beer…do I need to continue?
  18. My daughter. She’s only been around for a couple of weeks, so I haven’t had time to get to know what she’s all about yet. Still, it’s amazing how much hope you can pour into such a small thing.
  19. George Carlin. I wish he was my neighbor, so I could crack a beer with him every once in a while.
  20. My grandpa. He is the quintessential grandfather figure of all time. He cracks me up whenever I talk to him, which isn’t enough. If I make it that far, I hope to be like him. I’m 100% certain of that.
  21. Cajun food. Oooh, hoo, Man. They wondermous! I ga-ron-tee!
  22. Going to a ballgame. I really hate baseball, but there is something about going to the game and getting a cold dog and a warm beer that just feels right.
  23. Journey. There. I said it. I’m out, and I’m proud.
  24. “Handlebars” by the Flowbots.
  25. Cooking. I love to cook. I said “cook” not bake. Just because I like Journey doesn’t mean I’m gay.
  26. Jaws. One of the best movies ever made. I still look twice before I jump in the hot-tub.
  27. Naked women. A wise man once said, “Once you’ve seen one, you pretty much want to see them all.” No truer words have ever been spoken.
  28. Kicking my own ass. Every once in a while I need a good ass whippin’, so who better to do it than me? Long hikes, falling off my bike or down ladders, or having a junk sale on my skis, any way will do.
  29. Don Rickles. The champion of all put downs. Cracks me up every time.
  30. Cosmology. Something about thinking about how life would be very near to a black hole, or what things would look like if I was traveling 99.99% of the speed of light really gets my juices flowing. No? Just me then?
  31. Being a misanthrope. It’s just so much fun…and surprisingly easy.
  32. My dog. He puts up with a lot of shit from me, and he’s always excited when I get home.
  33. A good joke. I mean a good one, too, not any of that knock-knock B.S…unless it’s funny.
  34. “The Star Spangled Banner” by F. Scott Key. Now, I’m not the most patriotic guy on the block, but whenever I hear that song it makes the hair on my neck stand up.
  35. “Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger.
  36. Con-artists. I don’t necessarily think that it’s OK to milk people out of cash or resources, but the fact that some of these cons were even thought of to begin with is genius.
  37. “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd.
  38. A good meal at a restaurant. This is getting harder and harder to find since most people are alright with being served the plastic that passes for food at places like Chili’s and Applebee’s. You can keep it. I’m tired of paying too much for garbage at “good” restaurants. I’m not afraid to upper-deck your asses, either.
  39. Trying something new. It never gets old.
  40. A good movie. This is getting harder and harder to find as well, since most people are happy to settle for anything that resembles rapidly blinking lights.
  41. Roasts. I love watching people come up with creative ways to rip on each other. The Dean Martin Roasts knock this out of the park.
  42. Any “early” cartoon. Popeye, Tom & Jerry, Woody Woodpecker, etc. Basically anything before the mid-80’s when corporate execs started cutting down on the quality of the animation and the writing.
  43. Weirdos. There’s something comforting to me about knowing that there’s a guy that lives on the train and eats his yogurt out of his shoe. I love that guy.
  44. Clean getaways. I always feel a sense of accomplishment when I don’t have to use three-quarters of a roll of TP and a Tyvec suit during clean-up operations.
  45. “Old Man” by Neil Young. It always makes me think of my Grandpa. See #19.
  46. Silence. . . . .
  47. Hiking in the Rockies. I love being able to go for a long trek, sit next to a snow-melt creek, take a nap, and be home for dinner.
  48. Naps. I'm coming to rely on these little bastards more and more, and I love it.
  49. A bad joke. The more awkward the better. I like that awkward moment after the telling is done and nobody knows how to react. Priceless.
  50. Civil disobedience. Stick it to the Man, people…
  51. B-movies. Campy movies with no budget and bad editing are a bit like necrophilia…at least you know it’s bad going in. GOTCHA!
  52. Camping. It’s the perfect combination of hiking, naps, and living in Colorado. See above.
  53. Civil War era facial hair. Those guys obviously didn’t give one rat’s ass what their wives thought. You think even one of them asked “Honey, what do you think of this?”
  54. Horror movies. Classics, new stuff, thrillers, creature features, give me them all.
  55. Sex. That’s an easy one.
  56. A good book. I don’t have any patience for poorly thought-out, badly written junk even if it is considered a classic…you can stuff “Walden” up your a*se.
  57. Learning. If there is something that I don’t know or something that came up in conversation that sounded interesting, I love to learn about it. “It’s great to learn, ‘cuz knowledge is power.”
  58. Speaking of which: Schoolhouse Rock. Conjunction Junction, Three is a Magic Number, My Hero Zero, Interjections, Lolly Lolly Lolly…all awesome.
  59. Family Guy. Genius. Pure Genius.
  60. Being a skeptic. I said skeptic, not cynic. Get it straight, Jackass.
  61. “Steady as She Goes” by the Raconteurs.
  62. The Godfather Parts I and II. Easily in the top five best movies ever made.
  63. Sandwiches. Any type, especially the giant Cliff Huxtable variety.
  64. Monty Python’s Flying Circus. To this day, I believe it’s the silliest, most genius thing I’ve ever seen.
  65. The movie “The Aristocrats”. Hilarious! If you haven’t seen it, you definitely need to…probably not good for watching with your kids or on a first date, though.
  66. Bluegrass. There’s something about some fast-pickin’ hillbilly music that just gets me fired up.
  67. Hunting. I love walking through the forest, following a faint trail and sitting in silence for days in the woods. Who cares if I ever shoot at anything?
  68. A good pair of boots. Give me a comfortable pair of waterproof boots, and I can walk around the world.
  69. Logic Puzzles. Yeah, I know they’re foolish and boring, but there you go.
  70. Opera. I know this looks bad, but, seriously, I’m not gay. I love to turn down the lights, close my eyes, and listen to the pain/ love/ suffering/ joy that a genuine vocalist can pour out into the microphone. Beautiful.
  71. Living in the 21st century. I’m so glad that I don’t have to brush my teeth with a stick, worry about going insane from rye ergotism, or dieing from an infected sliver…not to mention the fact that things smell a whole lot better now.
  72. “All the Go in Betweens” by The Silversun Pickups.
  73. Watching my son play. Simple pleasures…
  74. Cruising through the mountains on a motorcycle. Scraping the floorboards on hairpin turns, driving way too fast, dodging wildlife, it’s all good.
  75. Living in the US. Again, I’m not a flag-waving maniac, but I think we’ve got it pretty good even when we’ve got it bad.
  76. Meeting people. I like to guess what people are all about based on those first meetings and see how things play out in the long run.
  77. Bullshitting. As far as social grooming goes, bullshitting is sooo much better than picking the fleas off of each other and eating them.
  78. Making donations and giving gifts. I love the idea that a simple act of charity can actually help someone out of a spot.
  79. Good pizza. It’s like hunting for an ivory-billed woodpecker any more. That shit that passes for pizza is gross. Admit it. You don’t like it either. I’d rather eat a bag of hair.
  80. Mark Twain. Smart, funny, a good writer, and a jacked-up moustache. What else could you ask for?
  81. People with unfortunate names. Your name is Mike what!?! Litoris!?! Mike, I’d like you to meet Barbara Seville. Awesome.
  82. The word “balls”. It gives me a good break from saying the “f” word all of the time.
  83. “Voi che sapete” performed by Fiorenza Cossotto. If there is a heaven, I’m pretty sure this is what it sounds like.
  84. Silly inventions. Don’t like your weed wacker? Why not practice your swing while you work with RonCo’s weed cutting golf club? For just $14.95 you’ll get our new bowling ball sight, too. That’s great!
  85. Albert Einstein. I’ve looked up to him since I was little even though he dropped the ball on quantum mechanics.
  86. Playing Euchre. Preferably with a grouchy Midwestern couple.
  87. The Marx Brothers. Except that Zeppo jerk.
  88. The truth. I wish more people would search for it and use it in general conversation and public speeches.
  89. “Tarzan” by Edgar Rice Burroughs. It’s one of the first books that I’ve ever read, and it is still good.
  90. Musicals. OK, I might be gay.
  91. Subtle perfume. I said subtle, Lady! I don’t need to taste it when you walk by.
  92. “Give Me Love” by George Harrison. I had to sneak one on the list.
  93. The Lord of the Rings movies. I could watch them all in one sitting…with naps in between of course.
  94. Being bald. Hey, it’s one less thing I have to worry about.
  95. People watching. If I have to be around them I can occupy my self for hours.
  96. Swimming. I know I live in the high desert, but I really feel at home in the water.
  97. Seafood. I could eat it breakfast, lunch and dinner.
  98. Dramatic failures. Not only are they fun to watch, but I often learn more from my failures than my successes.
  99. The Outlaw Josey Whales. The book and the movie. ‘Specially the movie, ah rekkin’.
  100. Writing. This is definitely something that I don’t do often enough.


TJ said...


Wasn't that fun? I know it sure was for me. A very pleasant read, my friend. I'm very happy to be your inspiration. *blushes*

Nancy said...

Since the days of BIG MO, your writing has always been a pleasure to read.
More, More......

aektare said...

very nice Dan.
if you ever want to start a 'Heterosexuals for Journey' fansite, you've got your first subscriber.

keep 'em coming....

Karen Ann said...

I found the first list! I actually started reading your post "The Misanthrope's List" which came after this one. I found it searching for Dan Fogelberg news, and your hilarious comment about "Longer" came up in the Google search.
I enjoyed that one so much I had to look around for the first list you referred to.
I was not disappointed! You are a talented writer and I think a list like that (like both lists) gives us the unique pleasure of getting to know you extremely fast....laughing all the way.
Thanks for sharing yourself Dan.